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Pick the perfect dating site for you (SheKnows)

For Women Who Mean Business

They say 63 percent of married couples met through a circle of friends. Incorporate the business-like strategy of the referral when it comes to finding a mate on Sparkbliss.com, a free referral-based online matchmaking portal. Members in this private network merely receive romantic introductions from people they know and trust – you control your bio and who you invite into you network. Go on, date a friend of a friend – you know you’re getting a good egg, not some socially awkward stalker…

By Brie Gatchalian

Full article: http://www.sheknows.com/articles/805400.htm

Sparkbliss News

A collection of articles: http://www.sparkbliss.com/news

* The Love Doctor: backed by research, not pop culture
* Sparkbliss makes your dating profile stealth on search engines
* Finding Your Bliss in Seattle Business Monthly Magazine
* Sparkbliss on Upfront and Straightforward with Alan Roger Currie (blogtalkradio audio)
* Sparkbliss Adds Relationship Expert, The Love Doctor, Terri L. Orbuch, PhD
* Mark Brooks of Online Personals Watch Interviews Sparkbliss
* Sparkbliss Pitch on TechCrunch
* Love in the time of Google
* ABC News Sound Bytes (audio)
* The Canadian
* SiNGLE EDITION
* Sparkbliss – Private Online Dating for Those Who Refuse to Be Relegated to Conventional Online Dating
* Sparkbliss establishes new online dating paradigm: why date without references?
* Seattle startup takes aim at online relationships

The Love Doctor Answers Your Questions

Question: Dear Love Doctor, I have been divorced a couple of years now and have done some dating. A few questions for you…first one is around knowing when to trust your gut and when to analyze a relationship? And second, how do you balance letting someone ‘in’ to the real you with wanting to protect yourself and not wanting to get hurt??

The Love Doctor’s Answers: Good questions! Both of your questions revolve around trust. How do you know if you can trust a dating partner?

Trust is an important and necessary aspect of any romantic relationship. When we trust someone, we believe that person tells us the truth—at least doesn’t lie to us—and that he or she has our best interests at heart. We are also more likely to trust someone whose behavior is reliable. Trust takes time in any relationship, it doesn’t develop over night. Bear in mind though, that trust is always a two-way street; you need to find a partner who is trustworthy (dependable, reliable, honest), AND you need to have the ability or skill to trust others. Often times, if someone has been hurt in a previous relationship (e.g., difficult divorce, partner had an affair), it takes longer for that person to trust and they analyze the relationship a lot more.

Here are my Love Doctor tips. Take your time. Figure out whether you can trust a partner by asking yourself questions like: Does he care about my feelings and thoughts? Does he ask questions to get to know me better? When he picks a movie for the two of us to see, does he remember what I like (or liked in the past)? And, when he says that he will show up, call, or meet my friends, does he make good on his promises? Then, see whether there are any danger signs in the relationship. You know what I mean—the red flags that tell you to stay away—like he never wants to pay for dinner because he always forgets his wallet. Lastly, identify whether you want to share and disclose personal details of your life with this person. We want to self-disclose information to a partner we trust.

In the end, if your answers to the “trust” questions above are yes, and you do want to share personal details of your life with this person—then unless you see big danger signs, go with your gut and don’t analyze too much, at least at the beginning of the relationship.

Question: Dear Love Doctor, What are some tips to be able to figure out if he is into ‘you for you’ or just for the sex? Thanks.

The Love Doctor’s Answers: Here are some signs to know if a relationship is something serious or just a fling. What signals or cues should you be looking for?
1. Discussions about Future. People in love (or committed to one another) fantasize about the future. It doesn’t guarantee a future to imagine what life could be like together ten or twenty years from now, but the absence of any such hopeful plans is a not a good sign. The future can be next weekend, next holiday break or next year!
2. Family and Friends. Someone who is serious about you (and not in it just for the sex) wants you to know and get along with his/her friends and family. You should know most or all of the people who matter to this person. Also, someone who is serious wants to know all about you—and also wants to impress your family and friends.
3. Able to Contact. Your partner should always want you to be able to find him/her. Aren’t you two a team? Wouldn’t your partner want you to know where they are if you had any trouble in your life? If your partner is talking about how they need “space” or privacy, ask them for specifics (how long and for what)? It is one thing to want independence, and another to want “space!”
4. Say I love you without being prompted.
The lack of these signals isn’t bad if you are in a young relationship, but if you have been together for more than a year, and you don’t see these signals, then be honest and ask your partner what he/she wants. You’ll never know for sure unless you ask the person directly.

The Love Doctor Answers Your Questions

Question: Dear Love Doctor, I am confused…Perhaps, I’m just not ready for a relationship? Here is the background: I’ve been dating this great guy for many months. He is kind, he is nice, but he is “vanilla.” We are more than friends and are intimate, but there is a lack of spark or chemistry. Do I wait and see if things will change?

The Love Doctor’s Answer: When people aren’t ready for a relationship, they aren’t willing or able to trust and really care about another person (yet). They don’t want to integrate family and friends, and they shy away from fantasizing about the future with their partner. This doesn’t sound like you. Instead, you are saying there is a lack of passion or spark in your current relationship. You need that excitement at the beginning of a relationship. I understand you really want the chemistry to be there, since this guy is kind, nice and an all around great person. Try doing some exciting activities together—like roller coaster rides, hiking in the mountains, or salsa dance lessons—sometimes these sorts of activities if done together can ignite passion and excitement in a relationship. But if this doesn’t work and after several months there is still a lack of spark or chemistry, you are ready for a relationship, just not with this guy!

Question: Dear Love Doctor, I am in my 40s without kids and therefore end up dating women who have kids. I think in a perfect world I would date women that are kids-free, but they number pretty few. Therefore, I am left dating women with kids which is okay. Question: should I be concerned with the kids’ ages? Obviously, if I wait until my 50s and date women of similar age then the kids might be out of the house, which would be easier. However, if I date women my age currently, then they are apt to have 2-3 kids <10 years old and then what am I getting myself into?

The Love Doctor’s Answer: It is true that most women in their 40’s will have children, although not all of them. The younger the children, the more you could be a part of their lives. If that is an uncomfortable feeling, then pay attention to the children’s ages not the woman’s age. Some women in their 40’s will have children living out of the house or living part time with ex-partners. And even these situations have their challenges. It might be important for you to think about the fact that any woman in her 40’s or 50’s will have some sort of “baggage” that she brings to the relationship. It may be children, an elderly ill parent, a 70 hour work week, a set of committed friends, or a close and enmeshed family. Remember, everyone comes to a relationship with his/her own set of baggage! But regarding women with children, you have a few options. You can acknowledge that women with young children might have less time, energy and resources to spend on you. That may sound discouraging, but bear in mind that also puts less pressure on you to expend time, energy and resources on them. You will have more independence and time for you. You also could recognize that women with young children are often giving and very loving people. You could reap the benefits of all this love, affection, giving and caring.

Sparkbliss delivers tremendous optimism

The Sparkbliss mantra is “it only takes one introduction to find meaningful companionship.” Life is great when you believe the right person exists and it only takes one. What is so magical is what happens once you meet the right person. Time warps and senses are awakened!

The Love Doctor: backed by research, not pop culture

Dr. Terri Orbuch interviews Sparkbliss founder on her weekly radio show: podcast

7/21/08 – “Do’s and Don’ts of On-Line Dating”

Studies show that 40 million Americans (40% of all single adults in the U.S.) use online dating services. Join Dr. Terri and Joel Blatt, as they discuss Sparkbliss, a new referral-based on-line dating site. If you haven’t been successful with the usual type of on-line matchmaking sites, Sparkbliss has a new twist on the traditional web-dating scene. Blatt, a former vice president of Oracle, developed Sparkbliss for singles who want to find that someone special but don’t want to give up privacy and control in the matchmaking process.

The Love Doctor Answers Your Questions

Question: Dear Love Doctor,
I’ve recently begun dating a nice person and we are intimate. However, I am less than confident they are “my soul mate” and therefore I wonder if I should keep my eyes open and consider dating other people sequentially and/or in parallel.

The question is timing: should I give my current relationship the full opportunity to develop into something truly meaningful OR cut it off before anybody gets hurt OR continue dating until I find somebody else that I want to date and then sever the incumbent relationship before I start dating the new person?

The Love Doctor’s Answer: Good trusting relationships take time and hard work. They don’t just happen. They are never perfect, and who is 100% confident right from the start? At the beginning of a relationship, some people are unsure if this is the right person and then only time will tell. So, if you are unsure, give your current relationship the full opportunity to develop. But, if you know for sure this person is not the one, then recognize that you are not (N-O-T) going to find a potential soul mate by hanging on to your current relationship. The fact that you would consider continuing your current relationship while actively looking for someone better, tells me that you might be afraid to be alone. You need to end this one before you’ll find the right one.

Question: Dear Love Doctor,
I am in the process of getting divorced and have recently re-entered the dating scene after a decade-in fact I don’t feel like I really was ever on the dating scene since I have moved from relationship to relationship. I have met a really great guy who I definitely feel a connection with but I am afraid of it moving too fast and repeating the same pattern. Most people I talk to warn me about getting too serious too fast and want me to consider dating multiple people or at least leaving my options open. I guess I just don’t really get how to do that when you like one person and want to see how that progresses – how do you really date other people too?? I want to be fair to myself and fair to others. I would like to get remarried one day but I am not in a hurry and want my next marriage to last a lifetime. What do you recommend?

The Love Doctor’s Answer: As a therapist, when anyone ends a long term relationship, I encourage them to sit down and think about: a) why they were attracted to their ex-partner in the first place, b) what was it about the relationship that didn’t work out, and c) how are they responsible for what didn’t work out. Can you answer these questions? This process (not the dating of multiple partners) is what will help you not repeat the same old patterns in a new relationship. My guess is that you have felt emotionally disconnected to your ex- for quite some time. So, although you are just in the process of getting a divorce, you have been separated (emotionally) for a long time. If this is true, you haven’t jumped quickly into a new emotional connection. I would encourage you to stop listening to the people you talk to. You seem to have a good handle on your feelings, go with them. You really want to see how this relationship progresses, and you know yourself. If you say you won’t be able to date multiple people, then you won’t. Remember, just because you are getting divorced doesn’t mean that you can’t trust your feelings. But be honest with the guy in your life. Tell him you want (and need) to take it slowly, but you’re definitely interested.

Question: Dear Love Doctor,
I am curious about your opinion on whether or not that “wow” feeling is something that must be felt almost immediately in a dating setting in order to continue seeing the person. I am in a dating situation with a man who is quite nice and has many great qualities – but for now I don’t get much of a “special” feeling about him. Perhaps the notion of hoping for the “wow factor” is just a romantic un-realistic expectation?

The Love Doctor’s answer:
I think people know quickly after meeting someone, if the chemistry just totally isn’t there. Typically, this feeling is based on the pure physical attributes of the person. Do I think that “wow” feeling has to be there immediately in order to continue to see the person? No. You also can develop a chemistry, lust, attraction (or whatever the “wow” factor might be for you) with someone. You can actually become physically attracted to someone as you get to know him/her better and as the many good qualities grow on you. There is a time limit here. If after 4 dates, you still don’t feel any physical attraction to this person, it probably won’t develop. Do I think the “wow” factor is just a romantic unrealistic expectation? No. It is vital to have that passionate, physical attraction to your partner. Without the “wow” factor, you’ll have to settle for being good friends.

“Sweetheart Swindle” Scam

This is a common con game often perpetrated through online dating sites targeting single women or men.

The con artist will engage the victim in a bogus romantic relationship. At some point, the con artist will indicate they are in dire financial circumstances and perhaps they are waiting on a pending financial settlement. They may also/or ask for a loan for a business or expensive medical procedure, but promise to pay it back when they get the money from the settlement. The devious nature of the relationship may lead to professions of love and even promises of marriage.

As the relationship progresses, the con artist may ultimately induce the victim into signing a Power of Attorney document. This creates the worst case scenario where a victim can be completely drained of financial assets. In some cases, the con artist may induce the victim to change an existing will, naming them as the major heir. Real estate derivative scams are also in vogue where title, mortgage, and realtor con artists are in cahoots.

Unfortunately, victims of this type of crime rarely call the police or FBI. Usually it’s the victim’s family that eventually discovers the scam and reports it against the victim’s wishes. The victim may also be reluctant to prosecute, because he or she’s in love, scared, or just embarrassed.

This is not meant to foster fear-mongering. I personally know a guy (45-years old, successful professional) who was scammed to the tune of $250,000. He is currently working with the FBI to prosecute and recover his losses. This is an example pitfall of public online dating where there is no introduction, no reference, and no testimonial.

Sparkbliss mitigates the “sweetheart swindle.”

Sparkbliss in Seattle Business Monthly magazine

FINDING YOUR BLISS – IF YOU HAVEN’T been successful with the usual type of online matchmaking sites, Joel Blatt has a new twist on the traditional web-dating scene.

Blatt, a former vice president at Oracle, maintains that with the usual online dating services, the odds of meeting a soulmate are about the same as winning big in Las Vegas. In other words, about zero.

That is why Blatt developed Sparkbliss.com, a referral-based dating site launched in March, which Blatt describes as “LinkedIn for dating.” Just like LinkedIn, which allows members to make introductions for networking purposes, Sparkbliss lets anyone be a matchmaker – forwarding friends’ and colleagues’ biographies to potential matches.

While the service is still new, Blatt says the initial response has been extremely positive due to its combination of personal referrals and testimonials, reliable dating references and privacy.

“It’s directly targeted for business professionals who don’t want to waste their time,” Blatt explains. “If you just want as many dates as possible, then Match.com is better than anything else. But Sparkbliss offers a qualitative approach versus playing the numbers game.”

Author: Jasmine Moir